Sara Serves…Hope
Sometimes I am late getting something done, and the universe gives me a little gift to help me do it better. For me, this week, the little gift was the story of the "Philies Karen" at Friday’s game. Apparently, there was a home run ball, several people who wanted it, and one woman who lost her mind when she didn't get the ball. She yelled at a dad who retrieved the ball and gave it to his son. The dad, rather than continuing an argument, just took the ball from his son and handed it to her. The Phillies and others, seeing this story, decided the dad and the son should be rewarded, and the father and son have received swag beyond their wildest dreams.
So, why do I care? WELL. This is why. As managers, in today's world, it feels like we spend a lot of time having to be very civil and placid in the face of folks who seem unhinged, ready to be aggrieved or angry at staff for something that doesn't really have anything to do with us. Good manners and decorum in public meetings often seem like they are no longer valued. And, let's not even talk about what emails or social media posts look like... To watch some of these public meetings is to see managers sitting quietly as though they are on trial, without the ability to defend themselves and too often, nobody seems to see the problem in that.
And yet, it was refreshing to see two things about this particular story. First, I cannot say how thankful I was that the dad in this situation decided that the best example that he could give his son was to deescalate. He could have yelled back, but he chose grace. Second, I love how much the teams and bystanders held that behavior up as the model for what to do when someone else is being completely unreasonable.
So for me- I am going to try my best to deescalate in these moments. The volume and anger needs to be turned down, not fed by our own (that would be me, mine, my) indignation, As satisfying as it may be in a moment to strike back at someone's unreasonableness, I am going to keep reminding myself that the community is served best when they decide when enough is enough and too much must be addressed.
The hard part here is when our too much is not the community's enough. I am going to be real. Sometimes, for our own self-preservation, it is time to go. The community becomes willing to make a manager a whipping boy and we don't get paid for that. But, truthfully, it does seem like most communities do have a real endpoint for how much they think public servants should have to tolerate.. They begin to speak out, defend, and reach out to the manager to let them know the support that exists.
So, have hope. In the face of mean, ugly or unkind, remember who you serve and why. Let your grace and calm demonstrate who you are and what you do. Let the community decide what their norms are and let them enforce them. Have hope that this time of chaos is temporary and communities value kind, effective leadership, even as they can be temporarily swayed by volume and vitriol.
I am thankful for this community of colleagues and friends who keep me grounded and hopeful. And if you need to have a rant, a calm down, or a listening ear, I'm here.
And one other note for you- we are not having a VLGMA lunch at either VML or VACO this year. Budget and scheduling constraints led the Board to determine that it was not a good fit this year. Let us know if you have thoughts about this for the future.
Welcome to our new members:
Shane Barton, Town Manager, Town of Glade Spring
Jack Butler, MIT, Florida
Monica Elder, Assistant County Administrator, County of Charlotte
Keelyn Graves, Program Coordinator, City of Petersburg
Landon Green, County Administrator, County of Charlotte
Kwasi Obeng, Assistant City Manager, City of Hampton
Tracey Shiflett, Town Manager, Town of Broadway
Jennifer Wheeler, Executive Director, Virginia Peninsulas Public Service Authority
Shela White, Assistant Director, Dept of Social Services, County of Prince William
Joshua Wilson, County Administrator, County of Scott